


Reasons Why We Ended It

by ashes0909



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmastime, Getting Back Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22488751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashes0909/pseuds/ashes0909
Summary: This was the fifth time he’d seen Tony since they broke up, and it was easier every time...but that was hard, in and of itself.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 17
Kudos: 191
Collections: POTS (18+) Stony Stocking 2019





	Reasons Why We Ended It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ohjustpeachy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohjustpeachy/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [ohjustpeachy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohjustpeachy/pseuds/ohjustpeachy) in the [stony_stocking_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/stony_stocking_2019) collection. 



> This fic is based on ohjustpeachy's prompt which I included in the end notes. I hope you like your stocking!

The _pick, pick, pick_ of Tony digging away at the corner of his thumbnail filled Steve with a long-forgotten exasperation. There was an affection laced through it, though - now, years later - one that formed a heavy weight in his chest, a swelling of unnumbered, unnamed emotions. 

He hadn’t felt this much in years, almost three years, when he’d last heard Tony _pick, pick, pick_ at his thumbnail. 

From the sound alone, he was transported to three different countries, three different timezones: a restaurant in France, a hotel in Japan, an aquarium in Canada, all at once, with Tony who had so much energy he seemed to be in constant motion sometimes. 

Steve wondered if the _pick, pick, pick_ was because of Tony’s nerves right now, or if he was just hyper from the party. He didn’t appear nervous, but Tony wouldn’t, even if he was. The smile Tony had greeted Steve with had been genuine, and their hug stayed firmly in the platonic range. He still smelled the same. After first realizing that fact, Steve forced himself to hold his breath. 

In that moment, he’d doubted he’d be strong enough to get through the evening. 

This was the fifth time he’d seen Tony since they broke up, and it was easier every time...but that was hard, in and of itself. This man he’d lived with for a year, shared a life with to now be nothing more than pleasant and cordial with. It felt like they were playing some sick game, a twisted make-believe. Tony hadn’t been his for a long time but a part of Steve would always belong to Tony.

They stood on opposite ends of the high-top cocktail tables Rhodey had set up around the patio, and when Tony looked up their eyes met and the _pick, pick, pick_ ceased. 

“You off somewhere fancy this Christmas?” Steve asked, because he didn’t know what else to ask, but he didn’t want Tony’s attention to drift away quite yet. 

Something flashed in Tony’s eyes, but then his initial reaction was tucked away or transformed into something more superficial. “You know me. Always off somewhere. But, no, not this year. Even clean energy and state-of-the-art mech suits should take a rest on Christmas.” Tony paused, took a sip of his drink, and let his gaze trace quickly over the others around the table, now more focused on their own conversations then Steve and Tony’s, before meeting his eye once more. “At least, that’s what someone much wiser than me used to say.”

Steve sniffed, the ache in his heart proof that he could still feel this strongly, like reaching too close to the fire just to feel its heat. “I always heard you were a quick study.” Steve smirked, but memory and what-ifs weighed down its edges. “Sometimes, I even believed it.”

Tony shrugged, not able to keep Steve’s gaze. “I guess the important things take longer to sink in.” He took a drink from a passing tray, and Pepper pulled him into a conversation as she grabbed one as well. 

Steve figured it was fine, that it was the end of a conversation neither of them should have started. Except, Steve was never one to stop pushing buttons. Especially Tony’s. Tony, who had wandered from the cocktail area to the far end of the patio, leaning against the railing that wrapped around the house. The sun hung low in the sky, casting him into a silhouette. 

“Glad you learned it,” Steve began, as he pulled up next to where Tony stood overlooking the lake. “Eventually.” Tony smirked and Steve couldn’t help himself. “I’m sure whoever you’re with now will appreciate it.”

The chuckle that accompanied Tony’s smirk turned hollow. “How generous of you.” 

Steve didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything.

“There isn’t anyone. Since that’s what you really wanted to know.” Tony’s words were combative but he made no move to pull away. If anything, he turned and shifted closer. “What’s the point? When the reasons it ended with the best guy I ever had still exist with every stranger I might meet and find attractive? They get a target on their head. Or in our case, the target went both ways.” 

“You were supposed to find happiness.”

“So were you.”

Steve shook his head. “That road is closed for me now.”

“Yeah. I remember the speech. Always the martyr.” 

Now it was Steve’s turn to laugh, just as hollow. “You always had a way with words.” A cloud passed over the sun, casting the lake into shadow. “So. We’re both miserable then?”

“You always had a way with them, too. Miserable?” Tony tipped his head, considering. “Not always. Not every day, or even every month, but…”

Tony’s hand rested on the railing, Steve could see the corner of his thumb-- _pick, pick, pick--_ and Steve wasn’t always smart but he was brave. He closed the space between them and slipped his hand over Tony’s. “...but it never seemed to be something worth looking for?” Steve finished for him, because Tony’s thoughts mirrored his own.

Turning his head just far enough to find Steve through the corner of his eye, Tony looked afraid. “I knew I’d already found it,” Tony whispered, turning his hand so his fingers could intertwine with Steve’s. “The reasons we ended it--They’ll still use us against each other.”

The cloud passed, the sun and brilliant sunset returning to beam over their private moment in the corner of the party, three years apart stretching between them like no time at all. Tony turned to look at him, fixed their gazes together, and Steve wanted nothing more than to kiss the sunshine from his lashes. “I care less,” he began. “Now that I know how it feels, to not have you.”

Tony lifted their joined hands to his lips and pressed a soft kiss where their thumbs met. “So have me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Steve and Tony broke up years ago and see each other again at Christmas, only to realize they still have feelings for each other
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
